Early in the term, I realized one of the students, Benji, was the type of student who would have trouble following the social norms of the class—such as coming to class on time. I had heard that other teachers had struggled with him, and I could imagine how they approached him. I knew I was going to have to be creative.

One day, there was a loud lawn mower outside out room, so I asked Benji if he could do me a favor and close the window. He smiled, jumped up, closed it and returned to his seat. Then he looked at me and we smiled at each other. From that day on, I noticed Benji becoming much more cooperative, including coming to class on time.

I suddenly realized the power of the phrase, “Could you do me a favor?”

It seems logical that if we do a favor for someone–like lending them a pen–it will make them more likely to reciprocate and do us a favor, for example, make some photocopies for us. However, the Benji experience was the reverse. Psychologists call it the “Benjamin Franklin Effect.” Asking someone for a small, easily fulfilled favor (like borrowing a pen, asking for directions, or opening a window) is often more effective at building a connection than offering to do something for them, which can sometimes feel transactional or overwhelming.

Continue reading →