(This posting includes a handout LINK AT THE END OF THIS POST which you are welcome to use with your students.) *

Complaining to a friend about something can often become a part of everyday conversation. Perhaps it’s about a teacher’s style, or about the pay at a job, or about the food in the school cafeteria, or about someone you both know.

Researchers have studied the reason why complaining is so common, what benefits it might have, and the problems it can cause the complainer. Also, the researchers looked at ways that we can learn to complain more effectively.

Complaining can actually become a pattern among friends, classmates and co-workers. For example, Allie had a part-time job as a waitress that she enjoyed after classes.The restaurant was supposed to close at 9 p.m., but recently the manager was letting customers enter later than that. This meant that the staff (waiters, waitresses and cooks) often couldn’t leave unit 10 or 10:30 p.m. or later.  This became the most common topic of conversation among the staff members as they were leaving and later in text messages.  (See complete article below.)

For background information about these articles and for suggestions for how to use them with your students, see  • Introducing “Short, High-Interest Readings”  Also, I’ll be adding more of these articles in the right-hand column: ESL Reading> Short, High Interest Articles for Extensive Readings

Here is the fifth article. You can download the article for your students by clicking on the link at the end. Also included are three optional exercises: True-False Questions; Paraphrasing Exercise; Reflection Exercise.

Complaining: Sometimes Good, But Sometimes Bad.

Complaining to a friend about something can often become a part of everyday conversation. Perhaps it’s about a teacher’s style, or about the pay at a job, or about the food in the school cafeteria, or about someone you both know.

Researchers have studied the reason why complaining is so common, what benefits it might have, and the problems it can cause the complainer. Also, the researchers looked at ways that we can learn to complain more effectively.

Complaining can actually become a pattern among friends, classmates and co-workers. For example, Allie had a part-time job as a waitress that she enjoyed after classes.The restaurant was supposed to close at 9 p.m., but recently the manager was letting customers enter later than that. This meant that the staff (waiters, waitresses and cooks) often couldn’t leave unit 10 or 10:30 p.m. or later.  This became the most common topic of conversation among the staff members as they were leaving and later in text messages.

Soon they were not only complaining to each other about the late closing time, but also about other things they didn’t like about the manager.

Often complaining to other people is a way of building social connections. That seemed to be happening among the staff. However, one time, during a text exchange, one of the waiters, Ryan pointed out that the manager had made some good improvements to the menu. Allie and the others did not want to hear that. They wanted Ryan to agree with them that the manager was not good. After that, they stopped including Ryan in the text messages.

For staff members like these, complaining has some benefits for a short time.  They might experience some emotional relief by sharing complaints. They can feel that they have a good reason to be upset since others also are angry.

However, it can have some negative effects over time. For example, Allie never said anything rude to the manager, but she stopped being friendly toward him. This wasn’t a good idea. At the end of the school year when she was planning to return home for the summer, it was difficult for her to ask the manager for a letter of recommendation.

A psychology professor suggests that it’s fine to tell others about things that we feel are unfair. However, it’s important to include someone who will help us look at the situation from a different point of view. For example, imagine that Nikos is complaining to his friends because his Computer Science instructor, Prof. Simpson, expects too much from her students, which causes Nikos to feel a lot of pressure. Nikos’ friend, Dan, says, “I understand what you are saying. Yes, Prof. Simpson can cause stress for some students. Maybe you could talk to her about the pressure you are feeling.”

We can see from that situation that, as a good friend, Dan kindly listens to Niko’s complaint, but then helps him see how he has the ability to possibly make the problem better.

Here is the link to the article and exercises that you can use with your students: Complaining–Article for Extensive Reading

David Kehe
Faculty Emeritus

*About the free-download materials. During my 40 years of teaching ESL, I have had many colleagues who were very generous with their time, advice and materials. These downloads are my way of paying it forward.